omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
