Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
