Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
