i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Blood and glitter go together right?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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