No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize