i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
