Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
