Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
