how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
