You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
