I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
