i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
