I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
