Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
