Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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