My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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