Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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