I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
