Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
