Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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