just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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