I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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