What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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