So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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