Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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