So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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