Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
