T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
