Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
