Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
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