how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
