i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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