I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize