if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
