I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize