No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't notice because vodka
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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