I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
this is an emotional support booty call
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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