Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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