You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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