she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
