accomplished twins. life is a go
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
