I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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