Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
