apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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