Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
