That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
