I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So many bounce houses so little time
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
