I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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