I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
operation harelip BJ is a go
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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