There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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