dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
