I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The best revenge is premature balding
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
