I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
