This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
