We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
