Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
