Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
