Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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