just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
