How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
