sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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