Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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