this beer tastes like vomit already
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
