i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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