He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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