i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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