I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
