would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
this just has baby written all over it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
