all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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