No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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