I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
