Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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